| ☻Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you? | |||||||||||||||||
| ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put U and I together. | |||||||||||||||||
| ☻What is live ? Live is love. Whats love ? Love is kissing. Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you. | |||||||||||||||||
| ☻Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ? | |||||||||||||||||
| ☻Love is Sweet, Love is sad, but with me in bed Love is the best thing you ever had. | |||||||||||||||||
| ☻You got the style. You got the intelligence and you sure got the body! | |||||||||||||||||
☻Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!
☻It is deaf and it wants to have sex with you...................... What do you say? ☻Do you know that you would look great with two pounds less ... in my opinion those clothes weigh exactly two pounds ! ☻You are just like a Bounty ... a piece of paradise on earth! ☻You're eyes are soft en tender,as sweet as they can be.There's one thing you must remember, you are the one for me!!! ☻There are so many people in the world but in my world there's only one and that's you!!! ☻I want to share everything with you, your sadness, your happy moments, every single second of the day. ☻Do your feet never hurt ???? ... You are wondering around my thoughts all day long.... ☻Love is in the air... shit if only I had a plane right now ... ☻When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why,just make a wish. Trust me it will come true,'cause I did it and I found you. ☻I do not think much, I do not think often, but when I do think, I think of you ☻I love all the stars in the sky, but they are nothing compared to the ones in your eyes! ☻You can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree,but the best way to fall,is to fall in love with me. ☻If flowers were dreams that would last for ever, I would pick the most beautiful ones to send to you ☻Be smart, be clever, put me in your heart, 4-ever. ☻Don't listen to your mind. Listen always to your heart! ☻If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window grabs you and puts you in a sack don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for CHRISTMAS ☻If I had a penny every time I thought of you, I'd still miss you,but at least I would be rich! ☻Passion running trough my veins, trembling, waiting, reason is fading. Overpowering desire sets my skin on fire! ☻Somewhere, someone dreams of your smile and finds your presence in life so worth while. So when you are lonely, remember it's true that someone, somewhere, is thinking of you. ☻Can you see me? no? Turn around, can you see me now? no? Turn again, can you see me now? I can see you because you have a special place in my heart! ☻If I was a fly, I would fly to you now... but I'm not so I need to stay home and cry! ☻Since I met you people are wonders and live is a big party... ☻What ever you say, what ever you do, I will always love you ☻If loving you is wrong,then I don't wanna be right.My love for you is strong and brighter than any light.The way we must go is long,but we'll win every fight. ☻At night I cannot sleep and during the day I dream of you... ☻Life is much brighter with you around ! ☻Don't let your mind rule over your heart. ☻You can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree ... but the best way is to fall in love with ME ☻If you would see yourself the way I do, you would wish you where as beautiful as you ... ☻Sometimes words are hard to find, to form that perfect line to let you know you're always on my mind! ☻Even when it is rainy the sun is shining in your smile. ☻If a kiss on your lips tastes as sweat as a raindrop I want it to rain for ever ....... ☻I will give you one kiss to go to sleep. I give you two kisses to dream. I give you an endless row of kisses to, when you wake up in the morning, think of me. ☻It must have been a rainy day when you were born, but it wasn't really rain, the sky was crying because it lost his most beautifull angel...! ☻The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell ! ☻Where ever you're going, I'm going your way ! ☻Are you free for the rest of your life? ☻If all the boys lived on the other side of the sea, what a good swimmer I would be ? ☻During maths I was thinking of you but I cannot calculate how much I love you!! ☻I am sending you to an island full of kisses on a sea of love! ☻Love is...looking whether he is looking, and when he does, certainly not looking back!! ☻Do you have a coin? I want to call your parents to thank them. ☻I wanted to put something incredibly beautiful, sweet, nice, sensitive, erotic and funny on you screen, but unfortunately I do not fit on it. ☻I cannot think of a good opening sentence, so will we just say good-bye ??? ☻I know milk it does a body good, but DAMN how much have you been drinking? ☻If I could rewrite the alphabet I'd put U and I together! ☻Hello, I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart! ☻Your daddy must be a terrorist 'cus you're DA BOMB! ☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again? ☻I must have been born under a lucky star, to find a friend as nice as you are, and I will follow the rainbow until the end, if you promise forever to be my friend! ☻Ferrari's are red, Lambo's are blue... but I am as happy in a mini with you. ☻Every man dreams of a beautiful woman, so do I ... I dream of you. ☻If love is a crime, lock me up, i'm guilty baby ☻If God would have created something more beautiful than you he would have kept it to himself. ☻Can I have your picture, so Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me . ☻In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream. ☻Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken. ☻Have you drilled the butterflies in your stomach gedresseerd? I haven't! ☻I saw you at a distance but you never approached, but that what did never happen, never passes! ☻If love is blind, how will she find me ? ☻Never make love in the garden or in the fields...... For love might be blind but your neighbours not! ☻The less you open up to others, the more you will suffer. ☻Whenever I see your smiling face, I have to smile myself, because I like you, you're my friend!!! ☻There is a clown in my heart. Small and very special, he can dance and jump, laugh and sing ... are you sad and crying, you can borrow him. ☻I love the spring mornings, the afternoons in autumn, the winter evenings and the summer nights....but you I love more ! ☻I would have answered your letter soonerb but you did not write me one. ☻I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!!!!! ☻I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead ☻Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation.a boy puts his location in a girls destination.do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration? ☻I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse! Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply! ☻I want triplets You want twins.Lets get in bed and see who wins! ☻Of all the babes ur my selection.please dont giv me a rejection.my teeth are clean for ur Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection! ☻If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays? |
flirt message
Erotic Jokes
Erotic Jokes
☻3 GOOD MANNERS |
3 good manners of male penis. 1)Courteous-it stands before performing. 2)Emotional-it cries during the performance. 3)Polite-it bows down after the performance. |
☻MISTAKES |
Learn from your parents' mistakes - Use birth control! |
☻ PICTURE |
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged. |
☻MAN |
Today, in style are small cars, watches, skirts and mobile-phones... It will come the time when SMALL PENIS will be in style, and then you will be the man!!! |
☻ COCUNUT |
What’s hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with a 'C' ends with a 'T' and has U' and 'N' in the middle? Answer: 'COCUNUT' |
☻ SHOWTIME |
Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME! |
☻LEFT LEG, RIGHT LEG |
What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money. |
☻SEX MACHINE |
When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine. |
☻ SEX ON TEXT |
Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text! |
☻ CARS |
Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird & say 'Ferari,Porsche...' Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her & say 'Full Tank pls.' |
☻ DEPRESSED |
A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same? |
☻ BAR STOOL |
How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down. |
☻VIAGRA |
CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you |
☻ WE CAN MULTIPLY |
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply! |
☻ SNOW WHITE |
*NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported 2 hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE' |
☻ GLOW IN THE DARK |
I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark |
☻ PENIS & BALLS |
Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting! |
☻ STUPID PYJAMAS |
Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....! |
☻BRUSH MY TEETH |
I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth |
☻ RING |
I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land.... |
☻ DUMB |
What is the dumbest part on a man's body? The penis. It has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an asshole! |
☻ SAGGY BOOB |
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts! |
☻ BLOW JOB |
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job! |
☻ COVER ME |
What did the Dick say to the Condom? 'Cover me!!! I'm going in...' |
☻ TITS DAIRY |
I'd willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her shape vary, From the very first day, To the child-birth display, When her tits would turn into a dairy. |
| ☻Suspense | how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!! |
| ☻Statistics | At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS |
| ☻Farmer Joneshas | farmer Joneshas got no sheep, isn't life a drag? coz they're all burning in a field he's got no sheep to shag |
| ☻Gary Gliter | *Newsflash* The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach. The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's |
| ☻Ba Ba White Sheep | ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie |
| ☻Leather Heather | there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together |
| ☻Little Miss Drugy | little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed. |
| ☻Jack and Jill | Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER |
| ☻IRA | what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth |
| ☻Dear Mammy love annie | There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick. |
| ☻Cock Sucker Detecotor | This is a cock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... COCK SUCKER !! |
| ☻Pink Vagina | Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise? |
| ☻Red Riding Hood | Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says! |
| ☻Fuck for money | sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money |
advice jokes
☻Six Rules 2 B Happy…
Free Yr Heart From Hatred
Free Yr Mind From Worries
Make Yr Life Simple
Expect Less From Others
Give More 2 Others
Always Have a True Friend Like Me.
☻Instead of feeling inferior because someone else can do something you cannot do, concentrate on what you can do that others cannot.
☻A good heart and a good nature are two different issues
A good heart can win many relationships, but a good nature
can win many good hearts.
☻Loyalty to friends and loyalty to certain basic principles are essential to success in any sphere.
☻Anger is a short madness. Don't allow it to ruin longstanding relations.
☻In success and failure, in sunshine and rain, in prosperity and adversity be at peace with the world and with yourself.
☻Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself;
but don't relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you.
☻Take time to look- it is price of success
Take time to think- it is a source of power
Take time to read- it is a source of wisdom
Take time to be friendly- it is a way of happiness
☻What you don't like happening to yourself, don't do it to others.
☻It is important to follow rules rather than to make rules.
☻Little advice to guys :"Always communicate with your girlfriends
as long as your parents
are paying the phone bills!"
☻It is attitude rather than your aptitude which determines your altitude.
☻The higher we are places, the more humble should we walk.
☻Thankfulness should be expressed, but you shouldn't ask for it.
☻Though you are travelling on the right path, if you take unneccessary breaks others will push you back.
☻If hardwork is you weapon then success will be you slave
☻Failure establishes only this, that our determination to succeed was not strong enough.
☻If you shed tears when you miss the sun; you also miss the stars.
☻Though you are travelling on the right path, if you take unneccessary breaks others will push you back.
☻Do not worry about failure. Worry about all the chances you miss when you don't try.
☻It is better to forget and smile rather than remember and be sad.
☻People who believe a problem can be solved tend to become busy solving it.
☻Be clean in all matters and you will never be ashamed.
☻In life knowing how to lose is just as important as knowing how to win.
☻Miracles do occur, but one has to work hard for them to happen.
☻It is better for us to feel bad rather than to make others feel bad.
☻Don't waste your time with jealousy. Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes behind. The race is long and in the end its only with yourself
☻Never fear shadows. They simply mean there is some light near by.
☻A hero is no braver than a ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer
☻If you are too careful, you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble upon something
☻Be there when people need you.
☻Watch the sun rise atleast once a year.
☻Be prepared and some day your chance will come.
☻Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you will die today.
☻Understand that friends come and go. But you should hold on to a precious few.
☻When I hear someone say "life is heard" I am tempted to ask "compared to what
☻Before You Speak-Listen!
Before You Write-Think!
Before You Spend-Earn!
Before You Criticize-Wait!
Before You Pray-Forgive!
Before You Quit-Try!
Before You Die-Live…
☻Shoot for the moon... cause even if you miss you will end up in the stars
☻Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
Free Yr Heart From Hatred
Free Yr Mind From Worries
Make Yr Life Simple
Expect Less From Others
Give More 2 Others
Always Have a True Friend Like Me.
☻Instead of feeling inferior because someone else can do something you cannot do, concentrate on what you can do that others cannot.
☻A good heart and a good nature are two different issues
A good heart can win many relationships, but a good nature
can win many good hearts.
☻Loyalty to friends and loyalty to certain basic principles are essential to success in any sphere.
☻Anger is a short madness. Don't allow it to ruin longstanding relations.
☻In success and failure, in sunshine and rain, in prosperity and adversity be at peace with the world and with yourself.
☻Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself;
but don't relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you.
☻Take time to look- it is price of success
Take time to think- it is a source of power
Take time to read- it is a source of wisdom
Take time to be friendly- it is a way of happiness
☻What you don't like happening to yourself, don't do it to others.
☻It is important to follow rules rather than to make rules.
☻Little advice to guys :"Always communicate with your girlfriends
as long as your parents
are paying the phone bills!"
☻It is attitude rather than your aptitude which determines your altitude.
☻The higher we are places, the more humble should we walk.
☻Thankfulness should be expressed, but you shouldn't ask for it.
☻Though you are travelling on the right path, if you take unneccessary breaks others will push you back.
☻If hardwork is you weapon then success will be you slave
☻Failure establishes only this, that our determination to succeed was not strong enough.
☻If you shed tears when you miss the sun; you also miss the stars.
☻Though you are travelling on the right path, if you take unneccessary breaks others will push you back.
☻Do not worry about failure. Worry about all the chances you miss when you don't try.
☻It is better to forget and smile rather than remember and be sad.
☻People who believe a problem can be solved tend to become busy solving it.
☻Be clean in all matters and you will never be ashamed.
☻In life knowing how to lose is just as important as knowing how to win.
☻Miracles do occur, but one has to work hard for them to happen.
☻It is better for us to feel bad rather than to make others feel bad.
☻Don't waste your time with jealousy. Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes behind. The race is long and in the end its only with yourself
☻Never fear shadows. They simply mean there is some light near by.
☻A hero is no braver than a ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer
☻If you are too careful, you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble upon something
☻Be there when people need you.
☻Watch the sun rise atleast once a year.
☻Be prepared and some day your chance will come.
☻Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you will die today.
☻Understand that friends come and go. But you should hold on to a precious few.
☻When I hear someone say "life is heard" I am tempted to ask "compared to what
☻Before You Speak-Listen!
Before You Write-Think!
Before You Spend-Earn!
Before You Criticize-Wait!
Before You Pray-Forgive!
Before You Quit-Try!
Before You Die-Live…
☻Shoot for the moon... cause even if you miss you will end up in the stars
☻Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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